I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
