She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
