I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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