Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
