I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
