Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
