I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
