dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
