Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
