haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
