i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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