4 words: hood of his car
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
