Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
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