and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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