today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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