Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
