holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
