just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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