I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Operation Purity has been aborted
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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