Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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