He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The best revenge is premature balding
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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