btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
should my penis look like a turkey
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
