just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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