Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
