Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
