Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
