Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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