Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
