In the future we'll all be gay
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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