I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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