She said her name was "party"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
