she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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