I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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