I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize