i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
