I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
