All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
