Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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