ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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