I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
