that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
