I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize