"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
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