My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize