Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
