My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
