I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
