I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
