hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
