I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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