meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Randomize
