ya dads aren't the best wingmen
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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