i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
