I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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