it's not cheating when I paid for it
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
