Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
