I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
