We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
