literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
