How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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