you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
