did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
