whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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