Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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