the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
