did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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