I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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