the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize