Well douche your snatch and let's go!
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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