he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
