The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
