you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
