How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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